Where Are Your Manners?

I could go a lot of different places with that headline.  Bad drivers, line jumpers, lateness, and, well, too many choices!  But what is really on my mind is the estate work that we have been doing, and how some people are planners, and some have done little or nothing to document their affairs to make it easier for their surviving spouse or other executor to transfer wealth, distribute or sell property, and do the necessary court filings on time. 

Not writing things down tells your loved ones that you didn’t care enough about their time to put your affairs in order.  You also didn’t care about the potential cost to your estate.  Sure, there are people who get very sick, very fast and there is no time to do this.  But if we all kept an ongoing list/folder/spreadsheet, then even an illness would not drastically affect what has to happen after we die.  Documentation relieves stress on our loved ones at a time when they are already grieving.  It makes things easier for them.

It’s just good manners.

Seven Mistakes that People Make That Harm Loved Ones

No Estate Planning

As I’ve mentioned before, 60% of Americans have not created a will.  Not having a will means that the state you lived in will make all the decisions. No exceptions.  There will be fees, and any interested party can petition the court to be your executor!  It could be the plumber you didn’t pay or the child that you disowned.  It might not be pleasant, but it makes a lot of sense to plan for what happens to your body and your stuff, from the moment you die onward.  Your family might not get what you intended them to get. 

Naming the wrong agents or multiple agents

How many people have named parents, siblings, aunts or uncles who are similar in age or older?  Risky!  Sometimes, naming one child over others, or naming multiple children as agents, can be setting your family up for mistrust or permanent division.  We’ve seen family members never speak again after an estate is settled.  Cousins never meet other cousins because their parents argued over an estate.  If you foresee problems, name a professional. 

No current list of assets

Where is your money stored? What are the account numbers? How is each account, and other items you own, to be distributed?  This is not information to be left on your desktop, but someone needs to know where it is and how to access it, including passwords to make it extra easy.  We’ve done estates where sorting through bags and boxes of mail was the only way to figure out what accounts they had.  You save your heirs a lot of time and worry by writing things down.

Not getting rid of stuff

It is hard for some people to part with “things”.  But as my mother always says, “I can’t take it with me!”.  By not getting rid of the excess baggage many of us carry, you place a burden on someone else.  It’s not polite.  It takes them far more time to sort things into piles of Keep, Donate, Sell, Recycle, Shred, than it would for you to do it.  Also, far more will go to the landfill.  It costs your estate thousands of dollars to get the work done professionally.  Put stickers on things with a date.  If you haven’t used it in a year, get rid of it.  Paper is especially important to shred or recycle, because keeping records of long-dead accounts is a red-herring for your executor, wasting their time and your money.

Not expressing final wishes

What happens immediately after you die is largely up to your surviving spouse or family, but if you have strong feelings about the disposition of your body or any type of service, it is extremely helpful to write things down and keep the note with your will.  It will eliminate any potential arguments if nothing else, but it also makes decision-making easier at a difficult time.  I never thought about the cost side, but donating your body to research means that many funeral-related expenses are eliminated or reimbursed.

Telling someone they can have something but not writing it down

“Mom said this would be mine when she died.”  “No, she said it would go to me!”

How often does this happen?!  If there are things that are special or sentimental or of value, make a distribution list and discuss it with your family so they don’t hate each other later over something stupid.  It’s a simple kindness.

Not Sharing

Most of us were raised to believe that sharing was an important life skill.  When it comes to our finances, however, we are reluctant to show our kids where the tomato cans are buried.   You don’t have to.  What you need to discuss is the overall plan for “if I become disabled or demented” and “when I die”.  Tell them if you have enough money set aside or if you do not.  Tell them what they need to do to access your documented list of assets.  They don’t need the “key” yet, they just need to know who has it.

As you may know, Paper Tigress has published a book and corresponding program, called the Paper Tigress Legacy Organizer & Executor Handbook, to help families document their affairs to save their loved ones from much of the anxiety, time and stress involved when a loved one passes.  It was originally a loose collection of lists for my own use but after seeing so many survivors struggle to figure things out, I published the workbook and program that gives you homework to complete the book in small chunks, so it is not as overwhelming. 

The book is for sale on our website only, or by contacting us directly.

We also have a Legacy Organizer checklist, which is a free summary of most of the contents of the book.  It is also available for download from the website.

How do you want to be remembered?

Manners are what smooth our interactions with others. Some people are raised with them, and some have to develop them on their own.  Preparing your family well ahead of your eventual demise? It’s just good manners.  WE hope that by documenting your affairs and your wishes you will be leaving a gift of love that will only enhance your legacy.

RECOMMENDED READING:  Five Wishes, The Conversation Project

For more information, follow Paper Tigress on Facebook or Linked In.  The links are below.

Your financial stability is our top priority.